'Still trying to get my hand in there', oil on wood, 16''x14'', 2015 

I was inspired to pop this artwork up after looking at Cecelia Vicuna and reading her words; 

'To respond is to offer again. An object is not an object. It is the witness to a relationship. 

In complementary union, two opposites collide to create new forms. Seeing and naming creates the space for the beauty of the exchange to unfold.'

What happens when there is no response? We can hide our face and pray for the day it is seen and our bodies can be reclaimed

Visual meditations to find questions, Oct 30, 2024

 I have been using a visual mediation to find questions-

One starts by doing a grounding exercise to develop an inner physical awareness, then one does a body scan to get a general feel using the five senses as prompts. One then writes down what one notices with the five senses with words and phrases .

In this one what came to me was- 

1. grey, misty, shot with red, glass of red wine, burgundy, thicker than water swirling, nubbly stuff poking out, shells, sand, cool.

questions- I don't know what I need to ask, what are the questions I need to ask?

 

 The questions are buried in the loose sand ( loose because its in water) that has all these worn bits of something that make up the content of my life, of my sediments. The pieces are no longer recognizable they are so worn down by the grit, but I am oddly relieved to see them. Otherwise the little cyclone of sand feels menacing. The bits are something I can relate to as part of me. 

This is where I will find questions. I think it might be about turbulence and what it is.

As it happened, I had just made this visual meditation to questions when Imogen mentioned M. Taussig, Fieldwork Notebooks, which included the quote from the Tempest, about the jewels at the bottom of the sea,  'Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes. Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange. 

But I am annoyed with the quote. it feels acquisitive and intrusive. jeering.

On top of all this, even before my little exercise, I had picked up two books from a free book stand; Full Fathom Five (!!) by John Stewart Carter, 1962, (recipient of Houghton Mifflin Literary Fellowship Award), and The Swimming Pool Library by Alan Hollinghurst , 1988. Both share some similarities; men loving men, nostalgia, elegance, and intertwining trajectories. 

I have yet to figure out how this all relates, it sounds to my inside ear like musicians tuning up for a performance, and I can not imagine what the performance will be.

Answer; your questions are in the old and ancient layers, that are wearing away the bits of knowledge and memory that have settled there over the many many years, beyond my time.

2. Grey, yellows, some red points, orangey, deep purple. Gravel at the bottom, a creek bed, grassy, cool misty, fresh, warm.

My questions were- whats it all about (haha), why am I tired?, what would make Lindsay happy? How can we resolve our differences?

Over all question- how am I going move forward?

How does the image answer my questions? Gather myself, become more saturated.

3.

Magenta spirals, soft hair, cupboards opening and closing on stuff, orangey yellow light shining through, childhood place, breezes, lilting song.

Questions - Should I go to forbidden plateau? How can I become more generous? How can I make up for my restricting side? How can I be more honest? How can I get what I need?

Answer- Go back to my child self.

. 

Reflections on readings for Attunement with Zeerak Ahmed Sept 28, 2024.

Listening and Falling Silent. Jessica Feldman 

It was interesting to read about the nature of protests in Paris. It feels like a tradition, a celebration for people to connect, as they are stuck in traffic. During ongoing protests against Isreal in Gaza in Vancouver BC, the atmosphere was not as celebratory, rather people in cars were annoyed, and people marching were determined. Conversation between the two did not seem to be much part of it. I think solidarity is the focus in the article, which requires an openness. I wondered if protests in Paris have been changed by the isolation of Covid. Listening is an act of intimacy and vulnerability. I would suggest that political and military forces have become more global not only due to money, but because it is easier. Listening takes time, and empathy, for another.

The Force of Listening. Lucia Farinati & Claudia Firth

Links between the "talking cure" for patients, (often women) in the early stages of psychoanalysis, and what feminists were doing in the sixties and seventies are interesting. Consciousness raising was a powerful tool to bring people together. This route brought emphasis to listening, as much as talking, and empowered the women(and others) to be their own therapist- listen to yourself without judgement.

Following Marcello

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Expression of Interest

  My goals are to deepen my understanding of the ontology of loss, and the transformative role that objects of transference (including artworks) can play in this process.  I intend to explore this through creative research in a variety of media, including painting, drawing, movement, installation and social practice, by which I will consider attitudes to gender, culture and environment, and what that might mean in the larger community and its agendas. The larger framework within which I intend to examine these concerns and preoccupations can be understood as a space within which I intend to explore and better understand the nested (and overlapping) notions of space (domestic, emotional, psychological, natural and architectural) within which my artistic explorations take place.