I have been using a visual mediation to find questions-
One starts by doing a grounding exercise to develop an inner physical awareness, then one does a body scan to get a general feel using the five senses as prompts. One then writes down what one notices with the five senses with words and phrases .
In this one what came to me was-
1. grey, misty, shot with red, glass of red wine, burgundy, thicker than water swirling, nubbly stuff poking out, shells, sand, cool.
questions- I don't know what I need to ask, what are the questions I need to ask?
The questions are buried in the loose sand ( loose because its in water) that has all these worn bits of something that make up the content of my life, of my sediments. The pieces are no longer recognizable they are so worn down by the grit, but I am oddly relieved to see them. Otherwise the little cyclone of sand feels menacing. The bits are something I can relate to as part of me.
This is where I will find questions. I think it might be about turbulence and what it is.
As it happened, I had just made this visual meditation to questions when Imogen mentioned M. Taussig, Fieldwork Notebooks, which included the quote from the Tempest, about the jewels at the bottom of the sea, 'Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes.
Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.
But I am annoyed with the quote. it feels acquisitive and intrusive. jeering.
On top of all this, even before my little exercise, I had picked up two books from a free book stand; Full Fathom Five (!!) by John Stewart Carter, 1962, (recipient of Houghton Mifflin Literary Fellowship Award), and The Swimming Pool Library by Alan Hollinghurst , 1988. Both share some similarities; men loving men, nostalgia, elegance, and intertwining trajectories.
I have yet to figure out how this all relates, it sounds to my inside ear like musicians tuning up for a performance, and I can not imagine what the performance will be.
Answer; your questions are in the old and ancient layers, that are wearing away the bits of knowledge and memory that have settled there over the many many years, beyond my time.
2. Grey, yellows, some red points, orangey, deep purple. Gravel at the bottom, a creek bed, grassy, cool misty, fresh, warm.
My questions were- whats it all about (haha), why am I tired?, what would make Lindsay happy? How can we resolve our differences?
Over all question- how am I going move forward?
How does the image answer my questions? Gather myself, become more saturated.
3.
Magenta spirals, soft hair, cupboards opening and closing on stuff, orangey yellow light shining through, childhood place, breezes, lilting song.
Questions - Should I go to forbidden plateau? How can I become more generous? How can I make up for my restricting side? How can I be more honest? How can I get what I need?
Answer- Go back to my child self.
